TARGET, BULLY OR BYSTANDER

Friends: What would we do with out them?, originally uploaded by Her life in pictures.

I went to a new school my senior year, thousands of miles away from the town I had called home the years before. That fall, I managed to make a small but precious handful of friends, mostly kept to myself, and looked forward to college. One night, I turned on my computer to look up some research for class and a new email popped up. I read it in disbelief--the subject of the email was "WATCH YOUR BACK." The rest of it, which was signed in a cowardly anonymous threat, detailed how the group writing the email was going to kill me at school or in my bedroom when I wasn't expecting it. They said they knew my entire class schedule, where I lived and who my family was. I felt helpless to the terror at the thought of being along and vulnerable to an attack from a faceless internet voice. My parents asked me for a list of suspects and I had no idea, as I didn't really know anyone and thought that I hadn't gone to school there long enough to make enemies. My mom called the police, who investigated and then refused to reveal who had threatened me because, as they told my parents, "This kid comes from a good family and promised not to do it again." I remember staying home from school the next day and doing anything I could to get out of going to school in the days following. I was terrified, humiliated and desperately sad. My parents wanted to push and press charges, or tell my teachers--I begged them not to pursue any of those routes, for fear that it would make things worse. I never did find out who sent me that email, but the thought of reading it for the first time still makes me shutter.

Then, there was the time that I watched a group of my popular friends ridicule a kid who was in the drama club with me. Let's call him Ben. They would yell at Ben for the scribbles he would write on his shoes, noting his animal rights activism. They called him a "weirdo", "lame" and sometimes worse. Instead of standing up for him, I would watch his eyes weld up as he tried to get through the hall undetected. We were friends in drama class, but I was too chicken to stand up for him. That look on his face that still floats around my brain from time to time is one of my biggest regrets.

Girls in the Hal first blogged about the tragedy of Phoebe Prince's suicide when it broke in the news a few months ago. Since then, her story of being relentlessly harassed by classmates has been heard around the country and the students that drove her into the deep hole of depression she never crawled out of are now being charged on several counts by the government. Phoebe's story has reached far and wide--from her yearbook photo on the cover of People Magazine this month to articles in the New York Times. Nearly all of these news reports ask the question of not just how bullying could get so out of control, but how it can be stopped to prevent more tragedies like the loss of Phoebe Prince.

I can't even begin to imagine the depth of pain that Phoebe felt with the torture she had to bear before she felt that she had to end her life. I also can't even begin to imagine what would lead teens to want to hurt someone so badly to actually insult her memory online after her death. Prompted by Phoebe's suicide, the media has responded by generating a slew of TV and radio ads to highlight the anti-bullying movement.

Bullying is in every school across our country, and in many other countries around the world. There are the teens who take it, nearly every day, and try to get by. There are also the ones who watch it happen from a distance for self-preservation, scared to step in. Then, there are the ones who are the bullies that the rest of us can't figure out. The internet has brought a new level to bullying, which has grown rampant. Opposingviews.com tell us that a whopping 35% of us have been bullied online, and one in five of that percentage have been victimized on the internet more than once.

In researching sites and articles about this huge issue, we came across Pacer Center's Teens Against Bullying and want to get the word out about it to all of our Girls in the Hall. This fantastic site, endorsed by Demi Lovato--who was a victim to bullying in school--has a quiz that will shock on facts about bullying, tips on what you can do, and a spot to read other's accounts of bullying and write about your own. Whether you are what Teens Against Bullying calls a target, bully or a bystander like I was with Ben, this site identifies what's up and how you can take a stand. It also reminds us through other teens around the country that we all need to stand up to this monster of a problem and be united in our cause, while still maintaining our individuality.

Girls in the Hall wants to hear from you. Please share your stories and what your thoughts are on this issue. Just think--if you have the courage to speak out, another girl on another computer in another town could feel the same way. We have the power. While the cruelty of bullying and how to cure our world of it has me stumped, I do know that one thing we need to learn to count on is the strength we can find by not only watching our own backs, but learning to watch each other's.