UNABASHEDLY ME

suffer = love ?, originally uploaded by -Misconception photography [--☮--].

We are strong girls. We are smart girls. We are crafty girls. All of us Girls in the Hall are a combo of readers, writers, leaders and dreamers. Then, boys come in to the equation, often mixing everything up inside the hallway of our minds.

Troy and Gabriella... Darcy and Lizzy B.... Zach and Kelly... Edward and Bella... Hermione and Ronald... Romeo and Juliet (Ok, not them, that ended badly)... We want to fall in love a la a Taylor Swift song with our crush. We spend way more time than we like to admit pondering all of the options and thinking about wearing his letter jacket, high school ring, you know, whatever is the norm in your neck o' the woods.

The truth is that lust/like/love isn't a pretty storyline in the sitcom of your life. It is complicated. Case in point: You can't talk to the camera via giant old school cellphone like Zach on SAVED BY THE BELL or randomly break into karaoke song to confess your undying love as shown by Troy and Gabriella in HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. There are no TWILIGHT Edwards roaming the earth who can turn you into a vampire to seal the pact of eternal love.

Through the years, I have dated my best friend, a guy on the football team, and that endearing nerd in the front row of biology class. All of them have taught me so much about myself. Even though I am (often called) outspoken and cheerfully outgoing, I discovered that when it came to boys and dates, I would chameleon myself to get boys to like me. The normally grounded girl that I am hovered on a mental gray line of being myself and being the girl I thought the boy (insert names here) wanted. Shockingly, it wasn't working out so well. The real me wanted out.

Then, the light bulb moment happened. I could appreciate a boy's interests without losing myself in the process of falling for them. It is indeed possible to support someone's love of STAR WARS or golf without adding those to my list of Facebook interests. Moreover, I learned that I need to be unabashedly me. I will fight and debate until pigs fly about causes I love (which is code for stubborn as can be). I hate bad grammar. I love both show tunes and football games (and often forget to use my indoor voice when singing along off key or cheering for my team). I am most comfortable wearing both lip stick and a tshirt. No matter how hard I try, I will never master AP physics (but will always be able to write an amazing AP English essay) or be able to run the fastest mile in gym class (but am always down to cheer for my friends while they get the best times). Quite simply and for good or bad, these things are me. I am juxtaposition of complexities, and that's a-ok.

Don't get me wrong, I am still looking and wishing for my Troy/Darcy/Zach/Edward/Ron (pick your fave). I just know that when he does show up, I can be swept off of my feet without losing "me" in the process and that just feels right, kinda like the beginning of my own "...love story."