THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-COMPASSION

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster, originally uploaded by itselea.

We are raised to be told to be the best with unfailing self-esteem. And, we are--the trick is that we are the best at different things. Being the best at everything is utterly impossible. The fabric of human behavior that weaves success in society is we all have different strengths, and that means we also have different weaknesses.

We feel we have to be the best over all, which means that many of us often feel superior to others, whether that means we think that we are more compassionate, intelligent, talented or (fill in the blank) compared to everyone else... but that we also fall harder when we fail these unrealistic expectations. Kristin Neff's fascinating article in the Huffington Post, Why We Should Stop Chasing Self-Esteem and Start Developing Self-Compassion, details this phenomenon. We are pushed time and time again into the need to have super high self-esteem, but aren't told that, at some things where we don't and can't be the best, that can be a-ok too. The worst people at attacking these "short comings?" Not an outside person, but the self-critic that is in all of us.

As a teen, this can be particularly true. When was the last time you struggled on a test after studying for endless hours and felt like a failure for getting a well earned average grade? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone shouldn't strive to be the best person they possibly can be, I am saying that perhaps we should re-examine what "the best" should mean. Perhaps instead of the focus to achieve the pentacle of what people think confidence is--high self-esteem; we need to re-examine the way we look inside of ourselves. Self-respect, self-values, and self-awareness that comprise self-compassion could be the building blocks toward a better world of people who know how to care about themselves, and in turn, can care about others and the world around them.

Maybe, just maybe, if we explored this way of thinking, Neff's viewpoint could change our culture for the better. Perhaps if the biggest bully in school was taught self-compassion instead of focusing on just self-esteem, that bully wouldn't be such a bully after all. Maybe if we give ourselves the chance to be average at some things some times or permission to fail when we have tried, the criticism that swirls around our culture like air would dissolve into a world of self-compassion and then compassion in general. As Neff asks, "Why not try it?"