THE BEST BOYFRIENDS...

the catcher in the rye, originally uploaded by julia_casinista.

Do you have that go-to-guy that you hold all others up to for comparison? I don't mean the hot guy in gym class, a summer puppy love, or your neighbor that you have had a crush on since you both played in the kiddie pool at block parties. I mean the safe crush--the one who doesn't really exist. I'm talking about that magical character that resonates with your heart. Whether it's in a book, movie or song, these boys crawl into our minds and won't let go.

For a long time, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE's Mr. Darcy was the one for me. Sometimes, I even drew little hearts around his name in my notebook, lamenting that our centuries of time difference just weren't fair. My friends were nice enough to not mention Darcy's fictional status in the world, and (embarrassingly) my English teacher was thrilled I was taking such interest in the material. I even scrawled his name on my Converse All Stars with Sharpie, announcing my devotion to the world of my school. Whether it was the absolutely quintessential original from Jane Austen's classic (swoon), Colin Firth's portrayal in the BBC movie (I prefer Mr. Firth, but would take Matthew MacFadyen in the new version as a second), or even the doppleganger in the pages of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES (fending off zombies over a romantic interlude is kinda hot), I was in L-U-V. After some mandatory screenings of the movie over sleepovers, Mr. Darcy became the object of affection for many of my friends, too. In hindsight for me, my obsession was less about my desire to be with Mr. Darcy and more that I wanted to be as confident, smart, and alluring as Lizzy Bennet.

Then, I began a super secret crush that was for me and me alone. I discovered one of my favorite books of all time and made a drastic switch to moving my loyalties to the pseudo idiot savant screw up that encompasses Holden Caulfield in the pages of CATCHER IN THE RYE. This one I have kept inside--until now. How can you not be smitten with a guy who says in the first few pages of the book, "What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of goodbye." While his leaving many schools came from his ability to get kicked out of/or quit them, I was forced by my family to move uproot from school to school. Still, I got exactly what he meant by this, and envied Holden's sardonic ability to make the saddest coming-of-age moments take on a disconnected irony of humor. While I tried to cope by being an overachiever, he was the stark opposite. Here comes another confession--I would often fall asleep with the daydream implanted in my head that after high school/after college/after time to make mistakes, Holden would get it all together, and we would find each other one day on the streets of Manhattan--perhaps both looking for the ducks in Central Park.

For those who have read CATCHER (for those who haven't, DO IT! :) ), you will probably say that Holden Caulfield is far from the perfect guy. You would be right. He is what a lot of us Girls in the Hall would call "hot mess, party of one." I can't clearly tell you all why my crush still remains after these years on this character, because I don't honestly understand it. Maybe Holden has been a consistency for me amongst a life of inconsistencies. All I know is that I go back and reread CATCHER every year to remind myself that I am not alone on the hunt to find out who I am, regardless of how different my quest and Holden's are to find our own truths.



Who is your fictional crush? We wanna know!