Do you ever feel like the entire world is conspiring to make your life as difficult as possible? That's how I'm feeling today. Sometimes I think to myself that I want to be happy, I really do, I'm just not quite sure how. I know it starts with learning how to be comfortable with the girl I am, but the little thoughts in my head remind me too often to feel that I am not good enough. Through the years, I have always observed my surroundings, watching the people who seem so content with themselves and their places in the world.
True story... One year, my biology teacher assigned one of the cheerleading captains to be my lab partner. We hadn't really ever talked before. I did a mental eye roll and assumed that she would be a jack bag from watching who she hung out with, and the confidence that surrounded everything she did. I think she assumed that I was mousy and boring from the way I acted in class. We were both wrong. She ended up thinking my sarcastic jokes were hilarious, and I found out that she was really smart. We actually kinda became friends that year. One day in class, when we were assigned to dissect something disgusting like owl poop, I confessed to her, "I wish that I had everything together like you."
She told me, "I just hide the bad stuff with a smile."
We then continued on with our assignment, never talking about it again. Sometimes in the halls after that, we would flash each other a knowing smile, and that would be enough to remind us both that we weren't alone in our battles to find the real happiness of our true selves.
How hard do you have to work to feel genuinely happy with yourself? I certainly don't know, but I am determined to learn. Is anyone with me?
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